There was a morning not too long ago when I served my kids plain toast with butter for breakfast (no fruit, no protein, just toast), forgot to sign the school folder again, and caught myself saying “just one minute” for the fifth time before 9:00 a.m. And as I stood there, brushing crumbs off my pajama pants, I had a thought that might surprise you: This is good enough.
Not a consolation prize. Not a low bar. But truly, honestly… enough.
Because over the years—and through trial, error, growth, and repeat—I’ve come to believe that “good enough” parenting isn’t just acceptable. It might actually be the healthiest kind. Not because we don’t care, but because we care enough not to burn ourselves out chasing every Pinterest-perfect standard thrown at us.
This isn’t about settling or giving up. It’s about redefining success, restoring connection, and embracing the wildly imperfect, deeply human, slow-and-steady kind of parenting that’s quietly revolutionary in its own right.
What “Good Enough” Really Means
Good enough” doesn’t mean neglectful. It doesn’t mean disengaged or half-hearted.
It means attuned. It means being responsive enough, present enough, loving enough—without getting trapped in the guilt-loop of needing to be perfect every single second.
The term “good enough mother” was coined by British pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott in the 1950s. He observed that children don’t actually need flawless parenting to thrive. They need reliable, responsive care—and they benefit, developmentally, when their parent gradually lets them experience small frustrations and repairs along the way.
This idea—that you can meet your child’s needs without always anticipating them or fixing everything instantly—isn’t just comforting. It’s backed by decades of attachment theory, neuroscience, and child development research.
Research shows that parents only need to be attuned to their child's emotional needs about 30% of the time for secure attachment to develop. It’s the repair, not the perfection, that matters most.
From Martyrdom to Mindful Mothering
In my early parenting years, I thought love looked like sacrifice. Giving up sleep, time, self-care, space, ambition—all of it. It’s what I saw modeled, and what culture so often celebrates.
But I’ve come to realize that when parenting turns into performing, we lose the ability to truly connect. Our kids don’t need us to hover, hustle, or pour from an empty cup. They need to see what it looks like to live a whole life—messy, flawed, and joyfully present.
Choosing good enough means:
- Saying no to overcommitment, even when it feels counter-cultural
- Letting go of things that look good from the outside but drain you from the inside
- Honoring your limits, not as flaws but as guideposts
It also means creating space for repair. Because yes, I’ve raised my voice. I’ve missed cues. I’ve been distracted. But I’ve also learned to say, “I’m sorry. I didn’t handle that well. I love you.” And every time, that simple act brings us closer than any perfectly executed plan ever could.
Why “Perfect” Is Too Heavy to Carry
Perfection doesn’t just exhaust us. It distances us—from ourselves, from our kids, and from the joy that often lives in the quiet, unplanned moments.
Kids don’t remember how clean the house was. They remember how it felt to be around you. Were you curious? Open? Playful sometimes? Did they feel like you liked them, even when things were hard?
I’ve noticed that the more I let go of the polished version of parenting, the more my kids lean into their own instincts. They’re not looking for a performance. They’re looking for safety—and that comes through warmth, not constant control.
We live in a time when parenting advice is everywhere—scroll-worthy, curated, well-lit—but often missing the soul. Good enough parenting says: What matters most is already happening right here, in your messy, beautiful daily life.
The Power of a Boring Routine
One of the most surprising things about good enough parenting? How often it leans into the ordinary. We get told to seek magic, but the real stability comes from the routines we repeat over and over.
Our bedtime isn’t elaborate. It’s books, a back rub, and maybe a silly “rose and thorn” chat about the day. But because it’s consistent, it’s comforting.
That’s the heart of “good enough.” Consistency, not complexity.
Try routines that are:
- Predictable but flexible (so they adapt to your energy and theirs)
- Low-effort but high-connection (like shared tea instead of a grand outing)
- Tied to sensory cues (a certain candle, a song, a favorite blanket)
It’s these rhythms—brushed teeth, snacks at the same time, familiar weekend rituals—that build a child’s sense of emotional security. And that emotional security? It’s what allows for healthy risk-taking, creativity, and self-regulation later on.
How It Changed My Inner Dialogue
I used to spiral in guilt after every parenting misstep. Every tough day felt like a referendum on my worth.
But now? I pause, I breathe, and I remind myself: “This is part of the work.”
The rupture—and the repair—is part of the rhythm. And instead of shame, I’ve learned to lean into curiosity.
What was going on for me? What was my child trying to communicate underneath the behavior? Is there something we need to shift—not because I failed, but because we’re learning?
This mindset shift didn’t just change how I parent. It changed how I talk to myself. More grace. More softness. More realistic expectations.
What My Kids Have Taught Me About “Enough”
Not just physically, but emotionally—available, attuned, imperfect but present.
My daughter once told me, “I like when you read with your funny voices.” That’s it. That’s what she remembered from a week of school lunches, sock battles, and runny noses.
It reminded me that “good enough” is deeply personal. It’s not about copying someone else’s version. It’s about knowing your child, knowing yourself, and choosing presence over perfection—again and again.
According to Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child, one stable, responsive caregiver is the most important factor in promoting healthy development—more than wealth, education, or fancy enrichment activities.
Why I Believe It’s the Healthier Way (for Everyone)
When we embrace “good enough” parenting:
- We preserve our own mental health—avoiding burnout, resentment, and isolation
- We model authenticity—showing our kids what it means to be human, not perfect
- We foster resilience—through repair, flexibility, and real-world emotional literacy
There’s a quiet strength in this kind of parenting. It doesn’t shout. It doesn’t show off. But it endures—and that consistency is what builds trust.
This isn’t about being “lazy” or opting out. It’s about choosing a slower, more intuitive path. One that leaves space for creativity, rest, imperfection, and real joy.
Rhythm Reminders 🫖
The soft scribbles I’d pass to a friend, from one real-life mom to another:
- Ditch the all-or-nothing: A 10-minute tidy counts. So does store-bought soup.
- Lean into sensory rituals: Lighting a candle before dinner or using a special tea cup can shift the whole mood.
- Watch your inputs: Too much parenting content can drown out your own instincts.
- Micro-rest works: Two minutes of deep breathing in the laundry room still counts.
- Repair is sacred: “I’m sorry” goes further than any perfect day ever could.
Let the Edges Be Soft
There’s something beautifully countercultural about choosing good enough—especially in a world that glorifies hustle, productivity, and polished parenting.
But I’ve come to see it as one of the most loving choices I can make. For myself, for my kids, and for the kind of home I want to build: one rooted in connection, not control. In presence, not performance.
So, if you're reading this and feeling like you're already behind… you're not. You're in it. Right here, right now. Showing up in your own way, with your own rhythm, and your own version of good enough.
And that? That’s more than enough. That’s everything.
